A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
