I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
