I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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