is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
