i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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