Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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