I need to stop coming to work sober
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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