Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My vagina is very pro this idea
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize