I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
