he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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