the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
