Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
please don't ironically join a cult
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