This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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