last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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