Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
