Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
