I met the friendliest cop last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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