well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
