he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
