Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
