i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
