He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
