please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
