i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
