Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize