If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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