dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
