I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's just like the Real World with babies
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
