tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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