I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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