i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
