Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
