there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
