She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
