is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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