My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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