I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
