Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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