1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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