i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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