time to smoke my breakfast
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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