He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My hand turned me down
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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