He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize