He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
