I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
