is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
