Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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