clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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