every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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