You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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