If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
