I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
