my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
