We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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