Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
