Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
