After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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