The maid of honor just puked.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize