i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
