Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
