i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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