she was so not down for the gang bang
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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