Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
