so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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