Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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