Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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