Betty ford says i'm here all night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
