I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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