great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
