Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
