I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right