I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
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i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again