So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.