i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow