It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it glows. i had to have it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level