Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN