Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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