trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
