Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
